A middle-aged Japanese office worker finally owns a dream-ridden house. The family of three is ready to start a happy life. However, because the mother-in-law is overly enthusiastic about helping with childbirth and family affairs, the mental stress eventually leads to excessive mental stress and even "self-home fear of homework." In an era of increasing double-paying families, the previous "good intention" has excessively intervened in life, invisibly threatening the harmony and mental health of many families. According to the report of "THE GOLD ONLINE", Mr. A, 41, is an office worker working in an IT company in Tokyo, with an annual income of 7 million yen (about NT$1.46 million). After buying a single house with his wife, who is 3 years younger than him and his eldest son, the family of three is preparing to develop a happy family life after buying a total price of 55 million yen (about NT$11.47 million).
The new family is about 20 minutes away from the mother-in-law's wife and mother (69 years old). The mother-in-law loves her eldest son and visits once a week. Not only does she help with her children, but she also often sends her to her hand-held cuisine. Both A and his wife were at work and were once grateful for the support. Even when his wife was sick, their mother-in-law stayed there for a few days to take care of her.
Out of control: private bookrooms, erect bedrooms, erect bedrooms, 2}I don’t know when, my mother-in-law went in and out of her new home without saying hello, and even opened the door with her backup keys and rested in the living room alone. She would enter A's book room without authorization to organize documents, modify the shelf configuration, and even enter the main bed to help her bed and turn around the clothes. Even though A tactfully said not to touch her, her mother-in-law still responded, "Just want to help you with a tidy thing", and even showed a disgusting expression and said, "I kindly help you, aren't you sympathetic?"
In addition to space violation, the mother-in-law also expressed her opinions on A's dietary habits: "Eat more vegetables" and "Don't always drink beer." She also intervened in the childbirth, violated the husband and wife's education method, hugged the crying Xuezi, and said, "Dad really won't take a child."
The wife took it cold The pressure on the husband was extremely limitedA tried to ask his wife for help, but was taken over by one word: "Mom can help us work, so bear with it." Although the economy at home improved a lot, A's mental state suddenly changed rapidly, and even felt nauseous on the way home because "Will she come again today?"
In order to escape the sudden visit of the mother-in-law, A simply took his wife and children out for a while, but this was just a temporary escape and did not solve the fundamental problem. Home should be a relaxed place, becoming a shocking "pressure space".
A asked the Financial Planner (FP) to complain about his own difficulties, and the other party suggested to formulate a clear "family regulations" to improve family relations. Based on the experience of professionals, behind many financial problems, it actually comes from the internal relationship between family and emotional problems.
FP suggests to formulate family regulations, and the behavioral standards of Ming culture families can be started from the following four points:
1. Couples communicate fully: share problems and feelings coldly to achieve common understanding.
2. Specific and clear regulations, for example:
·Information requires prior contact, and no longer than time,
·No entry into private spaces such as bedrooms, book rooms, and · Couples are required to make the final decision for children, and the elders are not allowed to intervene in force. If economic assistance is involved, future self-reliance plans should be formulated 3}
3. Choose communication times and methods: avoid emotional changes, open the venue with gratitude, and tactfully explain difficulties and expectations.
4. Regular viewing and communication: The rules need to be adjusted according to changes in life and continue dialogue.
A's family's turnover The mother-in-law finally understood and cooperated withA again complained to her wife about her inner pressure. Only then did she realize that the problem was serious and listed specific difficulties and improvement measures with her husband. Finally, it was the wife and mother who communicated with each other to express their gratitude and also expressed their gratitude that A was exhausted physically and mentally, hoping to clear the boundaries and have independent childbirth.
Although my mother-in-law was surprised at first, after understanding the reality, she finally expressed understanding and cooperation.
The couple and their mother-in-law have formulated the following three family rules:
· Before visiting, you need to contact
· Do not enter private spaces such as main bedrooms and book rooms.
·Respect the husband and wife's parenting methods and do not interfere with each other
Although there was still friction at the beginning, because of the clear rules and regulations, A's love gradually returned to stability and the family also returned to peace of mind.
Experts suggest that there is also a boundary between the family. If family conflicts are not handled, they may gradually become difficult to repair the cracks. Developing clear regulations not only protects each other's boundaries, but also helps establish healthy human relations. If you are also facing similar difficulties, you might as well work with your partner to formulate your "family rules" to help your family feel warm and at ease.